Famous Funny Quotes - 2
Q102.
Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid
of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh 1696
Q103.
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. - Anonymous
Q104.
I'm the girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
- Mae West
Q105. The first half
of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by
our children. - Clarence Darrow
Q106. Behind every successful
man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey
Q107. I like children.
If they're properly cooked. - W. C. Fields
Q108. I used to be Snow
White, but I drifted. - Mae West
Q109. There is no reciprocity.
Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
- Alice Thomas Ellis
Q110. All you need in
life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
- Mark Twain
Q111. We must believe
in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those
we don't like. - Jean Cocteau
Q112. He who laughs,
lasts. - Mary Pettibone Poole
Q113. Living with a
saint is more grueling than being one. - Robert Neville
Q114. The right to be
heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. -
Hubert Humphrey
Q115. The trouble with
the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent
are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell
Q116. Reality is for
people who can't face drugs. - Laurence Peter
Q117. A chrysanthemum
by any other name would be easier to spell. - William J. Johnston
Q118. Art is I; science
is we. - Claude Bernard
Q119. Only the shallow
know themselves. - Oscar Wilde
Q120. Jogging is for
people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
- Victoria Wood
Q121. Income tax has
made more liars out of the American people than golf. - Will
Rogers
Q122. Let's forget about
the six feet and talk about the seven inches. - Mae West
Q123. When everyone's
somebody, then no one's anyone. - W. S. Gilbert
Q124. A camel is a horse
designed by committee. - Alec Issigonis
Q125. If you obey all
the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn
Q126. It's a recession
when you neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you
lose yours. - Harry S Truman
Q127. You must come
again when you have less time. - Walter Sickert
Q128. Friends are God's
apology for relations. - Hugh Kingsmill
Q129. Laugh and the
world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony
Burgess
Q130. Work is the curse
of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde
Q131. Happiness is nothing
more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
Q132. It's true hard
work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance.
- Ronald Regan
Q133. Death is nature's
way of telling you to slow down. - Anonymous
Q134. I'm preparing
to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal
of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
Q135. The meaning of
life is that it stops. - Franz Kafka
Q136. Retirement means
twice as much husband and half as much money. - Anonymous
Q137. Early to rise
and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. -
James Thurber
Q138. The trouble with
being poor is that it takes up all your time. - William de
Kooning
Q139. The meek shall
inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - John Paul
Getty
Q140. Whenever I feel
the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until
the feeling passes. - Will Rogers
Q141. A diplomat is
a man who thinks twice before he says nothing. - Frederick
Sawyer
Q142. A politician is
an animal that can sit on a fence and keep both ears to the
ground. - H. L. Mencken
Q143. The process of
scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from
wonder. - Albert Einstein
Q144. A speaker who
does not strike oil in ten minutes should stop boring. - Louis
Nizer
Q145. Nothing will ever
be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.
- Samuel Johnson
Q146. I do not believe
in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. - Thomas
Carlyle
Q147. It is better to
have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. - Samuel
Butler
Q148. I feel that one
lies to oneself more than to anyone else. - Lord Byron
Q149. Man does not live
by words alone, despite the fact that he sometimes has to
eat them. - Adlai Stevenson
Q150. Sin is dangerous
in the hands of beginners. - Anonymous
Q151. Psychiatry: the
care of the id by the odd. - Anonymous
Q152. Advertising: the
rattling of a stick inside the swill bucket. - George Orwell
Q153. Diplomacy: the
art of letting someone else have your way. - David Frost
Q154. Experimental Psychologist:
a scientist who pulls habits out of rats. - Leonard Louis
Stevenson
Q155. Let's get out
of these wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Robert Benchley
Q156. I've always been
interested in people, but I've never liked them. - Somerset
Maugham
Q157. Even paranoids
have real enemies. - Delmore Schwartz
Q158. Some people pay
a compliment as if they expect a receipt. - Frank McKinney
Hubbard
Q159. An atheist is
a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan
Q160. Somebody's boring
me, I think it's me. - Dylan Thomas
Q161. I am extraordinarily
patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret
Thatcher
Q162. I regard you with
an indifference closely bordering on aversion. - Robert Louis
Stevenson
Q163. The human brain
starts working the moment you are born and never stops until
you stand up to speak in public. - Sir George Jessel
Q164. I am a deeply
superficial person. - Andy Warhol
Q165. When choosing
between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never
tried before. - Mae West
Q166. I have nothing
to declare except my genius. - Oscar Wilde
Q167. When in Turkey,
do as the turkeys do. - Honore de Balzac
Q168. It's not only
a race against the clock, it's a race against time itself.
- BBC Presenter
Q169. A woman drove
me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
Q170. Always remember
that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken
out of me. --Winston Churchill
Q171. Work is the curse
of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde
Q172. I drink to make
other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan
Q173. Four legs good,
two legs bad. - George Orwell
Q174. Half the work
that is done in this world is to make things appear what they
are not. - Elias Root Beadle
Q175. The illiterate of the 21st
century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those
who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
- Alvin Toffler
Q176. Why does the Air Force need
expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing
over the years been complaining?
- George Wallace
Q177. A cynic is a man who knows
the price of everything, and the value of nothing. - Oscar
Wilde
Q178. No person can be a great
leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those
under him. - W. A. Nance
Q179. Only the suppressed word
is dangerous. - Ludwig Börne
Q180. The important thing is never
to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
Q181. If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
Q182. Imagination is the one weapon
in the war against reality.
- Jules de Gaultier
Q183. Those who cannot remember
the past are condemned to repeat it.
- George Santayana
Q184. I can't understand why people
are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones. -
John Cage
Q185. History is the version of
past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon
Bonaparte
Q186. What orators lack in depth
they make up for in length.
- Charles de Secondat
Q187. The most difficult thing
in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody
else doing it wrong, without comment.
- T. H. White
Q188. The beginning of wisdom
is to call things by their right names.
- Chinese proverb
Q189. Those are my principles.
If you don't like them I have others.
- Groucho Marx
Q190. As I grow older, I pay less
attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew
Carnegie
Q191. Lots of times you have to
pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested
in order to get where you're going.
- Christopher Darlington Morley
Q192. When people are free to
do as they please, they usually imitate each other. - Eric
Hoffer
Q193. Do the right thing. It will
gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Q194. Life is the art of drawing
sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. - Samuel
Butler
Q195. Few things are harder to
put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain
Q196. Don't go around saying the
world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was
here first. - Mark Twain
Q197. The secret of life is honesty
and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx
Q198. Speak when you're angry,
and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Lawrence J. Peter
Q199. When I grow up I want to
be a little boy. - Joseph Heller
Q200. Be a good listener. Your
ears will never get you in trouble. - Frank Tyger
Q201. He who laughs, lasts. -
Mary Poole
Q202. A democracy that isn't,
is a hypocrisy. - K. S. Kantola
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